Have you ever feel like you're unnecessary to someone you put a lot of efford and love into? Have you ever feel like you want to cry out so hard at night but acting so happy and nothings can hurt you at all? Have you?

This post is specialized for my dearest parents. The persons who give me birth and nurture me since I am a baby. I am the only daughter and I have two brothers in my family. My situation is slightly different with those typical family, I stay with my grandpa and grandma for the last 16 years. I don't know why, I just always feel like I can't really join into my own family. Maybe its because they were not beside me for my childhood all the time, they were busy with their works. From previous to now, nothing changed.

For them, my brothers are sensible and mature. And me, what I’ve did is all failure. I didn’t score well in my exam, I get scold. I am lazy, stupid, playful and wasting their money. I always wonder am I their child. Why? Why what I get is always different than my brothers? My parents never praise me when I did well, but they won’t miss a chance to scold me for my failure. The more they nag, the more I feel guilty and blame myself more.

I tried, but it fails. My dad always depreciate me infront of those long lost cousin. He said, I am useless. He said I can’t even write an English essay. What is his purpose for doing that? Idk. It hurts, a lot. 

Dad & Mom, I am sorry. I am not an excellent daughter compare with your colleague’s children. I am a badass, I born to be that. Sorry for always making you troubles.



I am done.